Bump Watch - 34 weeks

Whoa.  Ok guys, I remember thinking at 28 weeks I couldn't get much bigger because everything felt tight then.  Understatement of the year!  I was so very, very wrong.  I'm posting 28 through 34 so you can see the difference.  It's crazypants.

To think that I might still have 6 to 8 weeks left kind of makes me want to cry, so I just keep focusing on the fact that I might only have 3 weeks and that makes it all better.  I'm drinking Raspberry Leaf tea (to tone the uterus) once every couple days and taking Evening Primrose Oil (to soften the cervix) daily now to get the process kick started.  And hopefully this little guy won't make me wait too long to meet him.

There's one thing I was really hoping I'd start doing right around now: perineal massage, to lessen my chances of tearing, but I can't bring myself to do it.  You basically have to sit there and massage your lady parts and tug and pull a little bit, sticking your thumbs in  your hoo ha.  I'm not squeamish or anything, and I'm definitely not shy, but I honestly can't see what's going on down there, and I can't reach that far -- even with my unusually long monkey arms!

And my stuff down there is pretty monstrous already and I haven't even given birth yet, so I really don't think V is gonna want to help out with this particular task, and I don't want to ask him either!  How would I know this when I can't see what's happening dowtown?  Well, let's put on our thinking caps.  This is the super fun part about being pregnant.  From what I can gather, camel toe is on another level entirely.  There is constant wetness, it always feels like I either peed my pants or my water has broken a little.  Some of those times, I actually did pee my pants, so it's not that far off to assume.  So basically, the junk is always unfresh!

Also, speaking of pee, I swear it's stankier than normal too.  Like I ALWAYS have aspara-pee, even if I didn't eat asparagus.

In summary, I'm ready for Tyrone to make his entrance...ready to have my body back and end this stanky, puffy madness!