On Friday, July 8, 2011 - 5 weeks

V and I, and my sister's family headed to my parent's home in Michigan for a little family vacay.  I still couldn't tell my parents because it was sooo early still.  I was only 5 weeks pregnant and we wanted to wait until our first OB appointment to spill the beans.

So, exhausted as I was - pretty much constantly - we headed home.  Which was actually perfect because there is nothing to do in Michigan except for lounge around and golf.

We shot 9 holes this day and I kicked ass.  Serious ass.  I remember being so paranoid about straining myself and having a sore back that I just relaxed and took it easy and I played the best round I've ever played.  Every shot flew and with distance too!  That ruled.

We drove back to New York in my dad's old Pathfinder (thanks dad!!) when the weekend was over.  We stayed in Cleveland for the night, and stopped by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in the morning.

  

About a week after we got home, I took another test.  Just to make sure!  And this time I used a pricier one instead of those internet cheapies.

On Monday, July 4, 2011

We had a 4th of July BBQ at our place this day.  I ran around making my signature bloody marys, cooking burgers and setting up a gourmet burger bar, hoping that no one would notice that I wasn't drinking.  I constantly had a cup of water in my hand, garnished with lime, because I was INCESSANTLY thirsty.  And luckily, no one noticed!

That morning, I took another test to make sure this wasn't just a fluke or chemical pregnancy -- this was 13 DPO.

 What a difference, huh?

And...our first "family" picture with the little bean growing inside.  Awaiting fireworks over the Hudson River.

Oh, and let me just take a moment to LAUGH at this.  I thought this might be the start of a bump.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Delusional.

On Friday, July 1, 2011 - Big, Fat, Positive

We celebrated my father-in-law's 60th birthday this evening.  It was a typical Russian affair (read: crazy party!).  My sister and her husband came and we ate and ate and ate and danced and sweated and partied the night away. 

 Except, that for probably the first time in my life since I was 13, I partied without drinking.

Because...

This was the day I got my first definitive positive pregnancy test.  I say "definitive"  because the day before when I took it, it was SO faint that when I showed it to V, he thought I was crazy -- or seeing things.

Which can totally happen.

After waiting 8 months to see a second line, you kind of will second lines to appear.  And when I saw this one, at 10 DPO, I couldn't believe my eyes.

It was especially surprising because the previous month, we only DTD twice during that, ehem...juicy week.  Gross!  That sounds terrible.  But whatever, you know what I mean.

Here's what happened:

On Friday, May 13, we adopted this adorable little guy, a birthday present from V to me.  We named him Monty Barksdale (shoutout: The Wire), and he is the current love of my life, next to V.  But let me be honest since this is my place to tell the whole truth.  Sometimes, sometimes Monty takes the #1 spot.  Look at this face, how could he not?

This was the first time I laid eyes on Monty at Animal Haven, a shelter in NoHo.

I couldn't believe he wasn't snatched up immediately, especially since they had him displayed in the front window to lure people in.  After I met him, I sent an email to V with the title "I Fell in Love."  I made him meet me at the shelter at the end of the work day, and as V hesitated, I turned on some waterworks, and bam.  Monty was mine!  Happy Birthday to ME!

After we got Monty, I stopped tracking everything.  For several months prior, I had been temping and charting and eating lots of grapefruit and pepitas and taking maca supplements.  And suddenly, I had this little guy to nurture so I stopped paying such close attention to all the ins and outs of my cycle.  Also, he was waking me up every morning at a different time making it impossible to temp accurately.

The good thing is that I knew around what day I should ovulate because after months of temping, I did figure out that my cycle is very regular.  Thank God for that. 

Fast forward a little bit....June 19th I had a positive OPK (first time using that) so we did the deed with a little bit of preseed (first time using that too!).  That day and the day after.  That's it.

And the rest is BFP history!

It's been 1 year and 6 days since my last post...

A lot can happen in a year.  Seriously.  Wow.

So, the good news is:

I'm pregnant.

The bad news is:

I haven't updated in a year and 6 days so I have a buttload of recapping to do.  I don't know why it's been so long.  I guess it kind of felt wrong to start a record of this pregnancy as it was happening just in case something went wrong.  There's just been too much superstition and loss and fear of loss happening around me that I didn't want to jinx it.

Today I am 27 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  In layman's terms, I'm starting my 7th month and third trimester this week.

Last night, I told V I was 27 weeks this week as we high fived.  And he goes, "So, what is that, like 5 months?"

This just goes to show how different men and women are.  My pregnancy countdown clock (in my crazy head) began the minute I saw the faintest second line on a pg test roughly 7 months ago, and each week, each day I've been aware of how far I am.  VERY aware. 

It's kind of funny that V thinks he has 4 and a half months to finish the basement when all along I've been urging him to get it done.  And now he realizes he has realistically about 2.  Good luck there, buddy.

Anyway, I guess for the next few posts I'll try to recap what I've been doing these last 7 months.  I am kind of a dodo brain potato head so I'm not sure how this will go, but I'll do my best!

my new badonk.

so, first is first.  i am not preggers. 

guess i am just eating a lot these days. 

also, in preparation to maybe, possibly, one day soon grow a (hopefully) healthy kid in this wartorn body of mine, i've stopped drinking coffee and given up alcohol.  and with nothing huge to be stressing about these days (read: no wedding planning, yay!) and the feeling of calm replacing all those sleepless nights and anxiety ridden stomach knots, i have rediscovered the taste of food. 

and apparently, so has my ass. 

hate it love it hate it love it.  i just can't decide.

i'm a huge fan of skinny ass twigs.  i know, i've been brainwashed! by the evil media!  horrid women's fashion magazines!  bony ass movie stars!  whatever.  it is what it is, and for about a year, i was - for the first time since i was 13 years old - HAPPY with my body.  didn't think much about it at all.  in some ways, i welcomed the sleepless nights, the stress so palpable i had no appetite until about 6pm, so all i'd have is 2 cups of coffee in the morning and just go.  and go.  and go on that fuel for the next 8-10 hours.  reaaaaal healthy, i know. 

but here's the thing.  i had no pimples during this time.  granted, i also had much drier skin and more obvious smile lines.  but NO PIMPLES.  now, i'm broken out like a teenager so i do think there's something to diet being directly related to acne.  or maybe with the extra weight comes a stronger rush of hormones?  possibly.

where was i.  oh, my ass.  yeah, it's aight.  my husband likes it, so i guess i'll try to too.

Naming a blog.

The day I got married, exactly three months and one day ago, I tipped the scales at precisely 95.3 lbs.  I wasn't actively trying to lose - not consciously, anyway.  But everyone says, "All the stress of wedding planning just obliterates your appetite."  I think it was more the sleep deprivation that did me in.

Whatever.  This is so not the point.  But I have to admit, the weight-obsessed adolescent devil bitch that sits on my pituitary gland, where I imagine her eating a brownie and being pissed off at herself, rocking out to Fiona Apple, is (not so) secretly happy that she, er....I...can later say, "The day I got married, I tipped the scales at precisely 95.3 lbs." 

So, where was I.  Oh, right.  Today, three months later, and I've gained 10 fucking pounds.  That's right.  They deserve the "F" word.  So how did I get from there to here?


I don't know.  I mean, sure, I care a lot less.  And I'm definitely not stressed anymore, but seriously, almost all 10 lbs. happened in the last two weeks. WTF.


Last week I was annoyed seeing triple digits: 100.  But now those zeros are taunting me!  I can see them running around in circles daring me to catch them.  Alas, I can not.  Old and slow, I am.

Here's what else:

• My boobs have been hurting like a motherfucker for the past week
• I can see my ass in the mirror when I'm facing it full frontal
• My eyelids are tired (but that could be because I'm wearing false eyelashes today)
• I have a headache which I rarely ever get
• I pee 12 times an hour
• This morning I woke up with cramps and a bit of spotting...but it's 8 days before my next period

Oh right, so, I haven't been on the pill in more than two years, and my lady timing usually eludes me, but about a month ago I downloaded a monthly cycle chart ap on my iphone and it's telling me I have "8 days to go!"  


Last night while cuddling with my husband and complaining about my extra poundage he gave me a HYOOOOGE bear hug, closed his eyes and with an ear-to-ear grin reminiscent of a cartoon puppy that's just found a bone, exclaimed, 

"But it's just like hugging poundcake!"


I had barely a chance to respond with widened eyes and a look of horror when he quickly followed up with:


"And I LOOOOOOVE poundcake!"


So.


Am I fat or pregnant?